


A First Mate Is Nothing without Their Captain

by preciousbunnynoiz



Series: Fic Prompt One Shots [3]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pirate, First Kiss, Getting Together, M/M, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-04
Updated: 2017-11-04
Packaged: 2019-01-29 09:49:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12628323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/preciousbunnynoiz/pseuds/preciousbunnynoiz
Summary: Fic PromptsDirk Gently, Pirate AUJust a quick one shot of a pirate AU. Dirk is Captain, Todd is his first mate





	A First Mate Is Nothing without Their Captain

Todd had had crazy nights before. 

Nights where he’d lost track of what was happening around him and even other nights where he’d blacked out and woken up somewhere odd. 

It hadn’t happened for years but finding out his sister had run off and was now a pirate queen had been a bit of a blow and he’d found comfort at the bottom of a bottle.

Still he hadn’t anticipated waking up on a ship of all things. He sat up with a groan. He knew he was on a ship because of the sounds and of course the smells. They feeling of rocking was of course present as well but considering how much he’d had to drink he couldn’t count that as evidence. 

“Oh you’re awake! Brilliant!” Todd turned to see a man dressed in the most obnoxiously bright colors imaginable. 

“Where the fuck am I?” Not Todd’s most intelligent or polite of responses but he was feeling decidedly ill at the moment. The stranger sat down on the bed in response, a bright smile on his face.

“Well you’re on the pirate ship Shark Kitten of course! And I am the captain Dirk Gently and you are my first mate!” the man was smiling still but Todd could only glare.

“I can’t be your first mate and what kind of ship name is shark kitten?” he demanded, clutching his head as a stab of pain hit it.

“Of course you're my first mate! You signed a contract and everything!” the stranger, Dirk, produced a piece of paper with a flourish revealing Todd’s signature promising he’d be the man’s first mate.

He groaned and collapsed against the bed. This was the worst.

Once it became clear Dirk wasn’t going to leave him alone he asked for a few minutes to clean up so he could meet the crew.

A washed face didn’t do a lot but it made him feel less gross and he winced coming out of what he now realised was the captain’s quarters to see...3 people other than Dirk.

True it wasn’t a big ship but he expected more.

“Right! Let me introduce you around! We have Farah she knows how the canon thingys work” Dirk pointed to a woman with dark skin and a serious expression who gave Todd a nod of respect, “And we have Ken who knows how to make the sails do that thing they’re supposed to do” a man with dark skin and a smile tipped his hat to Todd, he was standing close to a woman covered in dirt who Dirk pointed to next.

“And that’s Bart! She scares me!” the woman grinned, her smile reminding Todd of a tiger or a shark and he barely repressed a shiver. 

“So where are we going?” Todd asked after giving the three pirates a cautious wave.

“Wherever the wind goes. I’m a  _ holistic _ pirate! I don’t deal with maps or navigation or plans! I am a leaf on the wind of creation! Taking me to where I need to go” 

Todd stared at him in horror. 

“I’m actually going to die” he said quietly, covering his eyes with a hand before sighing.

“Alright, let’s see what we have supplies wise. That’s part of my job isn’t it?” 

+++

It turned out they were actually pretty well supplied. Apparently Farah had made sure of it. In fact they had supplies for situations that probably weren’t going to come up.

“You can never be too careful” Farah had supplied, which, fair. 

After spending the day going over their supplies and taking over cooking from Dirk when he saw what he was about to put in the stew Todd was beat.

“Okay where do I sleep?” he asked after stretching.

“Oh you can share my bed!”

Todd froze mid stretch to give Dirk a suspicious look. He’d wondered considering the way the man followed him around the ship and the looks he’d been giving.

“No” 

Dirk’s face fell but he found a place for Todd to sleep off the weirdness.

+++

It turned out being part of the crew of the pirate ship Shark Kitten was exciting and rewarding. They’d run into the Rowdy Three which turned out to be Amanda’s ship. After they trashed the Shark Kitten they had a party and fixed some of what they broke. 

(Todd may have ended up with a tired and drunk Dirk cuddled up in his lap which was...not unpleasant) 

They had adventures and occasionally stumbled over treasure until the British Navy ship the Blackwing set them in their sights.

Apparently Dirk had run away from their captain to become a pirate.

They captured Dirk.

Todd was surprised by the fear and anger in his response. The ship had gotten away but not before Dirk had been captured and Todd was not going to stand for it.

They left the Shark Kitten with an old friend of Farah’s, Lydia Spring the governor's daughter of this particular caribbean island. He also managed to contact Amanda who brought her crew with her to help. 

They knew Blackwing was in port here, Dirk being held in the city prison.

They let Bart and the Rowdy crew loose against the main body Blackwing officers. Todd, sneaking in through the back with the help of Ken. 

“Dirk?” he called at the bundle in the corner of the cell. A head shot up and Dirk, his face tear streaked looked at him in shock.

“Todd! What are you doing here?” the man scrambled across the cell and Todd’s heart broke seeing the bruises and bloody cuts on Dirk’s face.

“We’ve come to rescue you! Come here,” Todd used the key Lydia had gotten for them and unlocked the door, pulling Dirk into an embrace.

“Todd?” Dirk seemed to hesitate before clinging to Todd in return.

They couldn’t linger but Todd smiled as he pulled away.

“Come on, we need to get you back to our ship. After all a first mate is nothing without their Captain” Dirk’s lip quivered in response but nodded before breaking out into a watery grin.

Everyone got free and they were sailing away while the Blackwing was left foundering in port thanks to some ingenious actions from Ken.

They left Farah at the helm while Todd took Dirk to his cabin. Todd gently stripped Dirk from his soiled garments, using clean hot water and a cloth to clean all the wounds on his body with a tender touch.

Dirk watched him work in silence until the tension in the air was too much.

“Thank you for coming for me Todd” he said quietly. Todd stopped his work and met the eyes of the man who had kidnapped him and set him on this course of craziness and excitement.

He wasn’t even surprised with himself when he kissed Dirk, even less surprised when Dirk returned the kiss.

Todd shared the captain’s quarters from that moment on.


End file.
